I'm Done Playing: Pathfinder: Kingmaker

In which a king abdicates the throne

I’m Done Playing is a feature that attempts to solve two problems: (a) I play video games long after I’ve stopped enjoying them because I want to finish them, and (b) I don’t write as often as I’d like to.

If I’d rather write something about a video game than keep playing it, it’s probably about time for me to stop playing it. And, the sense of completion from writing a blog post is enough to allow my compulsive brain to set the game down.

The throne has been vacant for over a year. Our hero, the lord of the realm, has disappeared shortly after coronation, never to be seen again. In his place comes desolation—an eternal night that sweeps across the land, dooming all it touches to eternal dreamless sleep.

This is the fate I have abandoned my realm to, and with this post, I seal its fate.

I’m done playing Pathfinder: Kingmaker.

That’s a little overwrought, don’t you think?

Yeah, but c’mon, that’s a staple of the genre. Pathfinder: Kingmaker has the player character assume the role of a landed noble after doing a fetch quest. They pay lip service as to why that would happen, but it doesn’t matter. This is a power fantasy, damn it, and you’re going to be a king!

Dang. So they put you in the throne right off the bat, huh?
No! That’s what’s so baffling about this game. The entire purpose of this narrative is to give you the power fantasy of being a sweet wizard king who can totally kick butt and rule the realm, and the first ten-twelve hours of this game is a completely generic bog-standard CRPG of the kind that has been made a million times before. Stop me if you’ve heard this before: when the game starts you’re a generic adventurer who wakes up in the middle of the night to find himself under attack. He quickly assembles a team of companions with strong personalities—

Yeah, okay. Generic fantasy RPG. I get it. There’s nothing new?

Not really. The game has some fun randomly assigning you companions based on the actions you take in the prologue (acting selfishly leaves you with the “evil” character, etc.), and you’re pitted against a rival character that’s well drawn, but it’s nothing that hasn’t been done a zillion times before. Or that I haven’t played dozens of times before.

The game tries to throw a few twists on old classics—the druid who sends you on an herbal fetch quest wants the herbs to get high—but they’re not different enough to make it novel—you’re still wandering the wilderness doing fetch quests and listening to your party members tragic backstories.

That’s disappointing. So the kingdom part must be pretty cool, right?

That’s what I told myself as I slogged through fights with giant spiders and dialogue with insufferable companions. “Soon,” I thought, “soon I’ll be playing the game of thrones!”

So? What happened when you were made king?

A boring in-engine cutscene played, and I got access to the kingdom menu.

What’s that?

It’s the campfire screen, reskinned. You pick roles for your party members, except now instead of “cook” it’s “grand inquisitor.” You can send them on generic tasks, which makes them unavailable for adventuring. Also, there’s a quest board, except it’s called the “tasks of the realm” or some nonsense.

So being a king means very little. And I’m guessing that’s why you started playing in the first place?

Correct. A kingdom manager/CRPG sounds so good—the kingdom management parts could fill in all the roleplaying stuff that usually gets short shift in these types of games. Imagine: you’re in tough land negotiations with a rival noble. You could convince him with persuasion, slip a little something into his drink with slight of hand, or intimidate him. If that fails, you could offer to give him trading access to the lumber yard you just cleared of goblins, or clear out some pesky medusas that have been giving him trouble.

The core fantasy of CRPGs and city builders alike is that you are the only person who can fix everything, and a game that could provide both layers of that fantasy would be enthralling indeed.

But that’s not what happens?

Nope. It’s just another CRPG with a light meta-layer wrapped around it.

Would this game be fun to play drunk?

Hell no. It’s based on the Pathfinder system, which is impossible to parse if you’re not an autistic wizard, and it’s fairly dull even played sober.

Does Pathfinder: Kingmaker pass the Bechdel test?

If you play as a female protagonist, definitely. As a male protagonist, my two main fighters were female in the game, and I’m pretty sure they had one of those generic “training session” conversations at some point.

Are you gonna go back to it?

Nope. If I want power fantasy CRPGs I’ve got Baldur’s Gate and Rogue Trader I’d much rather play first.

Final review?
It’s another generic CRPG. Fans of the genre might enjoy it, but that’s about it.